The Internal Dance

As some of you know, last month I joined a group of freelance artists who have come together to discuss their individual process and journey.  This month I went deep and real raw and talked about balancing my own dreams and a relationship with a really handsome man.  How do we still see ourselves within our love for someone else?  How do we grow by letting go of past assumptions and ideas for “success” without losing our minds and feeling naked and exposed to the Universe?  Or maybe being naked and exposed to the Universe is a great way to be?

Find out here: The 30-The Internal Dance

Dear Women Of All Ages, Here’s How Your Sensitive Nature Can Change Your Life

@teresasabatine

Ashley Burgauer
December 13, 1985-August 29, 2013

As a little girl I was constantly made fun of.  I remember in 5^th grade hearing the following things on a daily basis; “ew you’re so skinny,” “your hair is an afro”, “you’re so sensitive, quit being a baby”.  Imagine my poor mother when I’d come home from school, hide away in my room only for her to find out I was actually crying like a baby because “no one at school liked me”.  Catholic school kids can be brutal.

Luckily “your hair is an afro” translated into hair dressers drooling over my thick Italian locks as an adult (thanks Mom and Dad) and “ew you’re so skinny” meant I would still have my fast metabolism at 28, and it’s a good thing because I LOVE french fries. But the thing that stuck with me the most wasn’t the comment on my hair or the comment on my skin tone, it was that I was so sensitive.  No one felt things like I did; no one understood why I cried when they made fun of OTHER kids and why I couldn’t handle the fighting and the name calling.  By the age of 16 it had only gotten worse, boys could break my heart by just forgetting to call and if it were up to me we would have had mediation sessions in the lunch room instead of segregation and gossip. I spent a lot of lunches in the journalism office to avoid feeling sad every day as I watched people treat one another horribly.  But even then I felt like my sensitivity was a weakness. “Why can’t I be tough like everyone else?” I’d ask my mom, “Why can’t I just feel nothing?”

A few months ago my home (small) town experienced a tragic loss.  A smart, young, beautiful girl I had grown up with passed away from a heart condition called Myocarditis at the age of 27.  When I received the phone call a deep sadness came over me.  The thing I remember most about her was her sensitivity and kindness.  If you were going through a tough time Ashley was the first one to write you a beautiful note or send you words of encouragement.  One of my most vivid memories of Ashley is when I ran into her a few days before my mother passed away.  We were on the porch of a mutual friend’s house and I had just received the news that it was only going to be a few days before my mom finally lost her fight with cancer. I was trying to be brave, speaking in medical terms and tasks instead of fear and emotion. Ashley just stood with me and said so gently and confidently; “You’re one of the strongest people I know, I honestly can’t think of anyone else that would handle this the way that you have.  Your mom is so proud of you, you’re an incredible person and I will be here for you whenever you need me.” Her words have stuck with me over the years and given me strength when times were tough or I’ve felt alone.  A few years later when I went through my things at my parent’s house, compiling them to prepare for the sale of my childhood home, I found all of the cards Ashley had written me. One for my 16^th birthday, one for a tough time I had during my freshman year of college, one just simply thanking me for being me and one from when my mother died offering me again the same words of encouragement and the same reminder that I was going to make it through the storm. Ashley didn’t give me cards with hallmark messages and the generic “Good luck” or “Thanks”.  Ashley wrote me cards that were personal, thoughtful, thorough and genuine.  Ashley was one of the sensitive ones.

I don’t know what Ashley would be doing today if she were here, but I can certainly guess based on her  history.  Ashley would be taking care of the sick and the elderly because her kindness and sensitivity had translated into a career as a nurse.   Ashley would be teaching her nephew and helping her sister when she needed her because Ashley’s kindness and sensitivity had made her a loyal and supportive friend.  Ashley would be having dinner with her parents and planning vacations and helping them recoup from a surgery or a fall because Ashley’s kindness and sensitivity had made her an observant and empathetic daughter.  Ashley would have been changing the world one person, one child, one patient at a time because Ashley had embraced her sensitivity as strength instead of a weakness.

I can’t tell you the countless meetings I have sat in or situations I have encountered where a man has said to me “You’re too sensitive, you need to toughen up” or “Stop taking things so personally”.  In those moments I felt ashamed of my sensitivity, ashamed that I couldn’t “handle it like a man” or “handle the pressure”.  I started having conversations in my head about how I could “be stronger” or “change the way I am”.

Today I think of Ashley and I am reminded that similarly to my thick Italian hair and my fast metabolism, my sensitivity is not only an asset in my personal life, my relationships and my work but it is an asset to the world.

I am going to continue to lean in to my sensitivity every day knowing that it enhances my decision making, my interpersonal relationships and my approach to management. And when I lean in,  I will proudly think of Ashley.

What has your sensitivity or kindness done for you? Please share in the comments section below or tweet me on twitter!

Twitter: @teresasabatine

Hope is Not a Strategy

Above saying stolen from my current boss, who wouldn’t want credit on my blog so he shall remain nameless.

Do you have an inspiration board?  Ya know, one of those things in your bedroom/office where you put all the stuff you believe in.  Goals, quotes, photos of things/people/places.  Do you know what I am talking about?

Well I have one.  I think it all started a few years ago with some bulletin board someone gave me.  A friend the other day brought up the fact that we used to have these on our doors in the dorms at college, genius right? So maybe it started in 2004 when I was a lost freshman heading off to screw up my entire future by choosing the wrong courses and falling in love with the wrong boys.  Who knows? Either way I have brought it back into my life.  I like to wake up and be reminded of why I am in fact waking up.  I like to read quotes by people who came before me and actually made it and I like to be reminded that stagnant isn’t an option.

However, sometimes I step back and analyze my inspiration board.  Am I spending so much time finding inspiration in other things/quotes/places/people, that I am no longer actually doing the things that I aspire to do?  Has my inspiration board become a place where my dreams go to die?

The thought of this alone makes me want to fill out an application to run a marathon and then immediately start training (even though I have done this probably 10 times and never been able to follow through, I know, it’s terrible)

But you know what I mean. The thought of my inspiration board being the only thing that gets done on my list of things to do for myself is frightening.  I can make all the lists in the world but if I never cross anything off, what the hell is the point of the list in the first place?

I attended another Lunch and Learn at Lionsgate today.  Yes I brought my notebook and took notes again, stop judging.  This one was with Vice Chairman Mike Burns, yeah imagine getting to listen to that guy for 45 minutes, pure gold.

He discussed five-year strategy, what makes a great producer and finding something outside of your job that makes you happy.  All very interesting topics.

But when someone asked him what he thinks his biggest failure was over the course of his career and how he learned from it, his response was surprising.

He started talking about having giant balls.  (Mike Burns is actually incredibly charismatic and entertaining by the way)  Yep, you read that correctly, having giant balls.  He talked about risks and business failure.  He discussed Tri Mark and Private Equity Partners and Rupert Murdoch.  He gave examples of big risks taken and some of the losses he endured.  He didn’t shy away from the fact that you still need to take big risks to see any type of big reward.  Most importantly he emphasized the importance of connective thinking and never allowing yourself to believe your idea is too stupid to put out into the universe.

When I reflect on his talk today and the people on my inspiration board I realize that these two things have something in common.  Like Mike Burns, the people quoted on my inspiration board are people who in fact had giant balls.  I doubt they waited for someone to tell them that they were ready to do something, or that something was right or that something was a good idea.  These people took the bull by the horn and dragged him wherever they wanted him to go.

So I’ve decided that instead of stepping back and fearing my inspiration board and wondering if it is all I will ever amount to…I am just going to start…well…focusing on having bigger balls.

The next time you have a good idea or a question and you’re too afraid to head to your bosses office…think about Mike Burns and ask yourself how often he probably asked a question or shared a good idea, and damn, look where it got him.

As my boss says, “Hope is not a strategy”.  If you want something done, you must take action, communicate and follow through.  If you sit around waiting on everyone else to do things for you, you will never cross a damn thing off of that list.

Is My Television Going to Blow Up?

HULU versus Netflix versus VUDU??

Waiiiiit a minute…what is Vudu? Why don’t I know about this media platform? What do you mean there is no monthly subscription fee? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

This was me, sitting in a lunch and learn in a Lionsgate conference room Tuesday afternoon.  It was my first time and I was kind of nervous.  Our Executive Vice President and GM of Home Entertainment was giving a talk on his journey to “EVPness” and the future of home entertainment. I, of course,  the nerd with a notebook was writing down every single thing he said. There were a couple of terms I was circling so that I could look them up later; EST, Ultra Violet (isn’t this a type of radiation? what?) Then he asked anyone who had a VUDU account to raise their hand.

Damnit. VUDU? What? No I don’t have one of those…shit I am the girl who doesn’t have a VUDU account. What an IDIOT. Oh wait…not very many of these people have a VUDU account. Weird, what is this VUDU thing he speaks of? Who are those five people who are raising their hand? Why are they in on this?

He went on to talk about VUDU and how it is a non-subscription based video streaming sight, like Netflix and HULU but you just don’t pay the monthly fee.  Could this be true?  Could I be logging into VUDU every day and getting my fix of new episodes of New Girl and The Good Wife without a monthly subscription?

Not quite.

However, instead of paying a monthly fee just to stream content and then throw it back into the internet universe never to be seen again…I can own my content. Own the content? But why? Why would one want to own the content when everyone can just stream it for $7.99 a month?

I didn’t have the answer to this question and I was much too afraid to raise my hand and ask him. So that night when I was back at my apartment  I decided to find out more about this VUDU.

Things that I discovered:

VUDU versus NETFLIX

• VUDU gets titles as soon as they are out for DVD release–there is no wait time–you want to watch it, log into VUDU and watch it.  NETFLIX however due to certain agreements with certain studios/partners wont give you that new stuff until 28 days after its DVD release.

Read more Here: TechCrunch: Netflix New Releases

• VUDU lets you stream movies that are still in theaters. What? I mean—depending on the studio and which movie–but its happening–it’s really happening.
• NETFLIX doesn’t have a limit to the amount of times you can watch something.  VUDU makes you pay to rent something or to buy something–if you rent it you only have 24 hours to watch, similar to ITUNES.
• NETFLIX has original content and apparently it is amazing. David Fincher anyone?

Read more on that here: Entertainment Weekly ‘House Of Cards’ trailer; Kevin Spacey will not be ignored

• VUDU has this thing called HDX (there are more of those letters that mean something) This translates to High Definition on ANY platform (your PS3, your Xbox, your Blue-ray Player, whatever).  NETFLIX does not have this, as of now.

Read more here: VUDU Starts streaming HDX over the web

Honestly, the list of discoveries goes on and on and on.  The real question that I am trying to answer (as well as every network exec out there) Is what does this all mean for the future of  Broadcast Television & Home Entertainment? I am grasping what it means for Home Entertainment, find a way to make people want to own the content instead of just rent the content. There are little tricks to this, VUDU has it so if you buy the content you can stream it from multiple devices at the same time. Itunes and VUDU have put a timer on the content if you rent it, and we all know how much we value our time these days, 24 hours to watch a movie? I NEED MORE TIME.

So that brings us to HULU (stick with me here).  The black sheep.  Oh you want to put all of our television shows on the INTERNET?! That’s crazy talk Jason Kilar. But it wasn’t crazy talk and it wasn’t just Jason Kilar that wanted these shows on the internet, it was you, the consumer, demanding that you be able to get access to your favorite shows when you have TIME to watch them.

So before when this was an advertisers driven business…it has now become a consumer driven business.  You’ll notice when you are watching a show on HULU that the advertisements are tailored to your location, your age demographic and most recently to the content you are consuming.

Read More: *REVENGE Target Ad Campaign

Then there is HULU Plus which I once had a subscription to but one day decided it wasn’t necessary.  This allows you to watch certain programs the VERY next day.  Forget your DVR, forget waiting 21 days on regular HULU to see the next episode of New Girl, just pay $7.99 a month and you can have as much Jess and Schmidt as you want, when you want. *Also access to a different library than regular HULU users*

More Here: HULU: The Future of TV

Is your head spinning? Mine sure is. I just want to watch my shows and my movies when I have time.  I don’t want ten ways to do it, I want one. I want to sign into one place and click on one button and get what I want and what I need. (I know, so demanding)

So what does this mean? As far as I can tell the only reason that broadcast television even exists is for sports and the news.  Most other things you can find online, and honestly, do I really need to see Revenge on Sundays at 9PM when I can just log into HULU on Monday and watch it when I have time?

There is a war going on in the entertainment business.  The fact is we need to find a way to continue to create good content that drives revenue but do it in online.  The internet isn’t going anywhere and the generations are just becoming less patient. The result? Commercials for TV’s that can be moved to any room in your house and still function (like I care when I have an Ipad), negotiations over libraries that are taking way too long to settle and a somewhat rogue network void form of entertainment such as HULU’s Battleground and NETFLIX’ House of Cards.

The Wizard of Oz is no longer in control.  The munchkins have run off with Dorothy and The Scarecrow and they are taking over the future of the entertainment industry.  The question is, are the networks and studios going to join them, or are they going to be left behind in Emerald City to perish?

So subscribe (or don’t subscribe) to whatever medium you want when it comes to streaming your favorite television shows and movies. Either way, you can plan on taking that TV of yours out to the front yard and going all Office Space on it sometime in the near future.

 

 

How I Landed My Dream Job

It was two years ago this November that I sat in Santa Monica eating lunch with my old boss at a placed called Tiato Market Garden Cafe. We had just finished a general meeting with the executives from MTV and we had short break until our next meeting. (General meetings are when you don’t necessarily have something to sell but you are just reminding them who you are and getting an update on what the network is looking for).  

I remember thinking “This is where I need to be.  This city, this cafe and around these people.  If I want to make it, this is where it is going to happen.”

I have made a lot of choices between then and today.  I moved out of New York City and to Chicago where I freelanced on some scripted television shows.  I beat myself up wondering why I had made that decision and if it was going to affect my future.  The entire time something deep inside of me was saying “You need to get to California, you should be in Los Angeles”.

Listen, I grew up watching movies and television believing magical crazy things can happen in 90 minutes or less and in that line of thought moving to LA  on a whim seemed plausible.  But, no matter how badly I wanted to escape my situation, deep inside I knew that packing up my bags impulsively without money or planning was going to set me up for failure.

I have a mentor that has always advised me to set goals.  He says not to just set the big goals but little ones along the way that can help you gain perspective.  In January of 2012 I sat in my Chicago apartment trying to manage my personal disappointment.  I decided to make a small goal: “Move to Los Angeles in August.” Then I broke down the months and made even smaller goals “Save x amount of money by February” or “Reach out to 5 contacts in the LA area and discuss possible opportunities by the end of this week”.  These goals were measurable.  Did I reach out to five contacts this week? Yes. Great. I accomplished something.  Am I running a studio and producing ten movies a year? No? Okay, keep setting goals that are measurable and you will eventually get there.

I was no longer upset with my progress because I was able to realistically measure my growth. My thoughts turned from “What am I doing here, I have to get out.” to “I have 45 more days and then I will be in Los Angeles”.

By July of this year I was back in my hometown packing up my things to drive to LA.  I knew it was time to make another small goal. “Have a job by the end of August.” Of course “a job” is a broad statement but the result of this goal was to have money to live off while I searched for the right job.

I arrived in LA on August 5th and had a job at a bar in my neighborhood by August 7th.  It wasn’t my dream job but it was going to keep me afloat while I looked for my dream job and it was another goal accomplished.  I was again able to measure my personal growth.

I wont deny that the job search process is daunting and exhausting.   But by sticking with the same thing that got me to LA in the first place, setting small goals, I knew that I could beat the exhaustion and find the right job.

I started applying to every job posting that fit into my criteria. One day I came across a posting and I immediately knew it was the perfect job. It was going to take some work to get in the door.  Was the process overwhelming? No, because I had already learned the lesson; set small goals instead of big ones.  Instead of “You must get this job or you will be so disappointed” it was ‘You need to find a way to get an interview” and then “You need to research the company so you are prepared for your interview” and then “You need to send a smart and impressive follow-up email” and so on. Each time I accomplished one of these small goals I felt better about my situation and was more confident to head into the second interview. Now approaching the second interview my goal became “You need to land this job”.

On October 29th I accepted and started that perfect job. Today as I walked over to the coffee shop in our building to get a morning fix I realized that I was actually standing in that same restaurant I ate lunch in two years ago.  Talk about full circle.

I wasn’t aware that I was setting a goal that November, I just assumed that they were the usual unrealistic thoughts that I constantly have running through my mind.  But as I stood there in the Tiato Market Garden Cafe this morning I realized that it had been a goal, and I that I had achieved it.

Don’t let the overwhelming process of life and your own self talk bring you down. Find a way to measure your personal growth so you can have the confidence and awareness that you need to succeed.  Start small and eventually you will achieve big.

What is your small goal, and how are you going to achieve it?

 

More on goal setting:

“The Best Advice I ever got: Philippe Bourguignon”

Why It is Okay To Cut Ties And Be Your Own Person

I was driving downtown last night on the way to see the space where my friends are running their incredible (more on this later) business when my phone rang.  Of course I am using my stupid phone for GPS.

New to Los Angeles = always using GPS instead of my brain.

I looked down to see that it was my father calling and of course answered it only to find my GPS no longer directing me.  Now I was forced to talk to my dad on speaker (to avoid a ticket from the LAPD, total headache) and attempt to use logic to get where I was going. (seriously one of these days I will get a headset)

The call with my father was pretty standard.  “How’s your health?” “What’s the status on the job?” “How’s the car?”…you know all of those vital things that “Daddy” asks you about when he calls.  He went on to tell me a story about how my sister took him to hear Evan Bayh speak and then they had a great dinner at some new restaurant.  As he was telling me this story my stomach started to tighten and I could feel myself becoming upset.  He was so happy to have spent the entire evening with his daughter (my sister) and I could hear the sadness in his voice that I was not there to participate.

Here is what started happening in my head:

“Oh my gosh what the hell are you doing out here stuck on the 405 listening to trash radio when your father is alone in Indiana?”

“Your sister is so much better than you.  She helps dad all of the time and is always taking him out.”

“You’re seriously the worst daughter, you better fix this.  What kind of jobs do they have in Indiana, can you get one of them?”

My dad tells me he has to stop for gas so he better get off of the phone so he can pay attention.  I become even more upset that I am not there to pump the gas for him and keep him company.  I start crying and we attempt to say goodbye 16 times before teary eyed and swerving between lanes on the 405 I finally hang up.

What a disaster.

I called one of my friends and it went straight to voice-mail   I needed to talk to someone and beat myself up a little more about how I am a terrible person.  When my friend didn’t answer something clicked.  I took a deep breath, turned on some Muse and then this started happening in my head:

“You are a grown woman.  Your father is a grown man, it is not your fault your mother died and it is not your fault that the entertainment business only exists in like 3 cities.”

“Seriously, it is fine.  Your dad is fine.  How much would you really see him if you were there?  You can’t just move back to Indiana and live in his house and do nothing, you would die.”

“Wallowing in your sadness about how you are seriously far away from your family and a terrible person is not going to get you where you need to be in this industry.”

And with that I turned up Muse, got off on my exit and pulled into my friend’s office parking lot.

I spent an hour watching their reels, talking about the projects they have coming up and what they want to do with their company all while touring the coolest artist-loft-office building I had ever seen.  We laughed about some of our times and friends in New York and made plans to work together when we are 30+ and actually somewhat successful.  (Although I would say that they already are successful..but that’s just my opinion)

I got back into my car and headed home and suddenly I realized that..Hello?!?!!  That’s exactly it! THIS is my home.  I can’t go back…I am no longer that naive girl from Indiana nor do I want to be.

I love my father and I miss him on a daily basis and I doubt that I am going to stop crying every time we get off the phone anytime soon.  But I have a life to live…and dreams to fulfill and when I live my life and fulfill my dreams I am honoring him and what he has built as a business man, as a husband and as a father.

So that guilt that comes with moving far from home and realizing you are missing out on events and people and memories…it wont go away.  You just to have to remember why you’re out here and what you want to become.  If it gets really hard and you think you’re going to break…take a trip to a friends incredible loft space downtown, watch some really creative shit and get perspective.

As they say…if it were easy…everyone would do it.

If you need to…you can just watch this and cry your eyes out….because…well..obviously.

The Biggest Networking Mistake You Never Want to Make

Last week I wrote that networking is similar to speed dating and how important it is to constantly think about networking and constantly say yes to opportunities to meet new people.

I thought about deleting the post when I realized that it may have sounded as though the networking process should be stale and quick and that you don’t have to really know a person to network.  That was not my intention. Instead of deleting the post like a coward I thought I would just expand on the issue.

Networking is about developing relationships with like minded people.  Maybe you have business ventures in common, maybe you both enjoy the ballet or the San Francisco Giants.  The point is these relationships aren’t only important to your career but to your soul.  Do you really want to miss out on an opportunity to meet great people and have incredible discussions about things you both love?

With that in mind I want to share a story about the worst mistake you can make when trying to “network”.

I attended an actual networking event last week in the heart of North Hollywood (mind you, I don’t usually venture up that far but I am trying to expand my horizons, remember, never saying no?) I walked in to a crowded bar and found my way to the back where these industry folks were gathered.  I made eye contact with a few of them and gave them that “please talk to me I feel so awkward” smile and the conversations started.  I noticed a younger male sitting in the corner with his leg moving up and down and his hands rubbing together as if he was about to gamble away all of his life savings on a game of craps. Obviously he was terrified.  I decided I would try to have a conversation with him and see if I could calm his nerves.

He was a pleasant young man with a lot of energy.  He had arrived in Los Angeles two days earlier, no car, no job and barely a place to sleep. There was something intriguing about his boldness and bravery and so I continued to discuss with him his goals and aspirations and try to advise him on how to start this new adventure.

I thought he could have focused his conversation a little more and possibly not been so abrasive in his delivery.  Subtle is sometimes the better choice.   I find the older I get the more I have  younger professionals seeking my advice on making it in this business.  It’s not that I want them to cater to my ego or ask  me questions about myself but I prefer the conversation feel natural and not forced and this one was slightly forced.

For  further exploration of catering your conversations read Mandalay Entertainment CEO Peter Guber’s Article “Self Interest Has to be Your Only Interest” 

Our conversation came to an end and he thanked me for all the information I provided.  The problem that I found with this young man wasn’t necessarily his energy or enthusiasm for advice, but his approach.  The minute our conversation was finished he was up and on to the next person.  I get it, this is a networking event, we are supposed to meet as many people as we can and hope that we have a connection with someone. But this young man was forward and each time he approached a new person he was too aggressive and used the same phrase:

“Hi I am _____ and I just moved here from ______ and I am an actor, I am looking for any acting opportunities, do you know anyone that needs an actor?”

Really?  We all know why we are here, it is an entertainment networking event.  I promise if you give the established industry professional five minutes of your time they will eventually ask you what you do and where you are trying to go.

The key here is to network with class.  Remember that we are all human and at our core we really just want to be liked, accepted and respected.

Don’t make the mistake of coming off as a self absorbed social/career climber.  Have some tact and some patience and remember that most business deals really require trust and you will not be establishing that kind of trust after five minutes.

And if you happen to be a self absorbed social climber…I suggest you change your tune immediately.  There is a difference between arrogance and confidence and people can spot the difference from miles away.

Speed Dating for Jobs: The Art of Networking

The other night I was in a coffee shop in Beverly Hills sipping on a soy latte.  I  found myself surrounded by thin women in 6 inch heels, men with perfectly combed hair sporting $5000 suits and elderly women with their diamond bracelets perfectly wrapped around their frail wrists and their Maltese dogs running around at their feet.  I was distracted by these artful patrons of the coffee shop but even more so I was intrigued by the energy in the air.  Things happen at that coffee shop, big things.

I waited for my friend to arrive and imagined how this meeting might go.  See I didn’t actually know this person.  A mutual friend of ours has suggested that we might have a lot in common so we set a date to grab coffee and see if he was right.  I anxiously awaited her arrival.  Would I remember what she looked like?  Would she be kind like I hoped or jaded and tough like some folks in this business?  Would she feel that I was maybe wasting her time or would she embrace this new connection like I hoped to do?

The anticipation was killing me so I continued to look around at the glamorous elderly folks that I hope to be like some day.  Each time that someone new would walk in the door I would glance up hoping that it was her but each time it was just another interesting stranger in their fabulous jogging gear or their snazzy business attire.  I looked up one last time and spotted a woman with a kind smile staring back at me.  Sigh, finally my stranger had arrived.

She was incredible just like every other person I have ever had an awkward kind of networking kind of becoming friends coffee date with.  I learned that she had only been in LA two more months than me, that she was employed on a television show and was living comfortably in a one bedroom apartment near The Grove (jealous!).  She asked if I was hungry I told her I had arrived early and already grabbed a salad because I didn’t want to offend her by eating when she wasn’t eating.  Seriously? What a thing to say. Idiot! She ordered a salad of her own and we continued our discussion of West Coast vs Midwest and why stalking production companies is not necessarily a bad idea. Then she said something to me that was both enlightening and impressive:

“I just decided that when someone invites me to something, no matter how tired I am, I have to go.  If they ask, I will say yes.”

The exhaustion immediately set in.  If I said yes to every event or coffee date or cocktail hour or birthday party that I was invited to I would probably pass out in my car while driving on the 405 and my room would have silk blouses and tapered black trousers tossed in various corners and empty cans of sugar free red bull on the floor.  I was overwhelmed at the idea of being her.  Then she continued:

“I mean this business is all about networking.  I’ve realized you never know when an opportunity is going to present itself.  Things happen in the strangest places so I better be putting myself out there. It’s an exhausting business, but I chose it.”

She was right.  Half of the reason I love this business is because you meet so many people and you are constantly discussing ideas and projects and talent and story.  Since coming here I have met Cuba Gooding Jr. and his producer in a bar in Brentwood, David Anspaugh in an Irish Pub off Wilshire and taken meetings with producers as a result of cocktails with an acquaintance or a night out at The Bungalow.

The energy in that Beverly Hills coffee shop wasn’t a fluke.

That’s just Los Angeles.

Now, that energy can be a dangerous thing.  That energy can drive some so crazy that they pack up and ride their horse back to where they came from and call it quits where the grass is greener and the talk is slower. Others it can drive toward drug addiction and self-destruction. Ideally that energy can drive you to the greatest job you have ever had working on the greatest movie of your generation.

The point is, networking is an art.  As much time as you spend on OK Cupid or Match.com looking for your next love connection you should also spend at Chateau Marmont or at an invite only screening for the next big independent film looking for your career connection.

They don’t have young professional meet up groups and USC alumni happy hours just so you can reminisce about how easy it was to be a college student and how tailgates used to be “So much better when we were here”.  Business deals get made at those things, get it together.

Start saying yes to that meeting at the coffee shop or that cocktail hour in NOHO (I know I know it is SUCH a terrible commute and you JUST worked a 14 hour Day and Hollywood blvd is TRAGIC but suck it up)

My friend is right; everything in this town, is everything.

Do you think the young Marilyn or Marlo spent nights cooped up in their apartment listening to records? Doubtful.

Go make things happen.

Our Wheels Get Stuck in the Mud When We Struggle to Survive

“Mud” being projects we do not care about, jobs that are not related to our field, content that is not moving or influential.  “Struggle to Survive” being trying to find enough money to eat a sandwich or pay your rent.

I recently read this article (How Beasts of a Southern Wild  Became a Film-Fest Phenomenon, written by Jada Yuan) on the success of the film and a little about the filmmaker Benh Zeitlin.  I’m mesmerized with the picture the article paints.  I immediately found myself on the wrong side of the levee observing the crew attempting to light the extravagant set, their heads bobbing slightly up and down due to lack of sleep, the National Guard threatening to remove them from the premises and all the while little Quvenzhané Wallis is sitting on the ground arms folded and lips in a pout. What an experience–what a project.

You read about filmmaking this way and you are excited to be a member of this industry.  Long nights working toward a common goal of sharing a story with the world that might change some minds or move some mountains (or even just entertain for the sake of entertaining in an epic way). But, with all the other type of projects out there you can sometimes find yourself working on something you care nothing about in an office building that feels like a prison.  The only non problem of working on this type of content is that you get paid–real money and you get a credit–which in this business is like a little nugget of gold that you can add to your pot (that you are trying to fill desperately) that eventually gets you to your rainbow (ideal projects with influential content and enough money to hand out free sandwiches).

So. The question is, how do we feed the artist that lives deep down in our soul while simultaneously feeding our actual bodies?  How, when we are starting out, do we learn the business and climb the ropes but also feel like we have ownership over our work and our contribution to the creative process?

Some of us will be lucky (ha, no luck–smart and in the right place at the right time).  Some of us will work under the great creative minds that are not only creative geniuses and incredible writers/directors/producers but also incredible bosses.  They will walk you through their process, let you read their scripts, allow you to take ownership over projects and spend nights away on location discussing the meaning of life and the latest Aaron Sorkin project.  **Speaking of Aaron Sorkin check out this fantastic interview where he talks about his latest project: “TV’s Best Talker: Aaron Sorkin on The Newsroom, Sorkinism, and Sounding Smart” written by Mark Harris.

Some of us wont be so lucky.  Our bosses will be artistic introverts with the same genius but just not the same enthusiasm for sharing or teaching.  We will file scripts away in confidential filing cabinets, answer phones and roll calls and book hotels on location for our boss to stay in while we are back at the office typing memos.

It’s not that we can’t learn anything or climb the ropes if we have the second boss, it just might take longer and it wont be as rewarding.  Great bosses know that by grooming their assistants/subordinates they are not only helping themselves and their protegé but also the industry they are so tirelessly committed to.

So what can you do?  What are some things that you can do to feed your soul?  I’ve got a list.  It’s not exactly rocket science or life altering but it’s a list that you can start with.

1. Gather up your creative friends and start writing a spec script.  Whether you plan to produce it, sell it or just laugh at it later-it is a good idea.  It puts you in the room with the future creative bosses (you and your friends) it allows for collaboration (our favorite tool) and it gives you something to look forward to each week or month or however many times you can all get together while working 18 hour days.

2. Create an unemployment club.  I joined one of these once and then the next week got a job (so maybe it will bring you the karma you deserve). However, when you are in between jobs it can become daunting and well frankly, depressing. Reach out to your other unemployed friends and get together each week.  Make lunch, go on walks, go to the library and search for jobs together.  Whatever it is that you decide to do make sure you are focused on growing and eventually getting a job.  In the meantime you wont be alone with your thoughts about how useless you are since you don’t have a job. (This, by the way, is not true)

3. Buy a camera (or these days an iPhone) and start shooting.  You don’t have to be an expert.  You don’t have to have a well thought out idea or script. Just go out in the world and see through the lens.  It will strengthen your eye and your taste and it will expand your mind. Do you have actor friends?  Bring them along and let them get in front of the camera it will be helpful to all of you.

4. Volunteer in a community that is foreign to you.  I know you’re tired.  I know that if you have a Sunday off you want to sleep or play guitar or for some of you…sit around and smoke pot and drink beer.  That is all great–and necessary to release all the stress and pressure that has built up the entire week.  The problem is, if that is all that you do you will still feel empty.  So, once a month, take the time to help someone.  Whether it be Make a Wish Foundation, Big Brothers Big Sisters, The Soup Kitchen or the Elementary School down the block; explore the world and see what is out there.  It will make you a better story teller and it will feed your soul (there’s that saying again).

5.  Start Scrapbooking. No I am not a Grandma (not that there is anything wrong with Grandmas) Not only will scrapbooking contribute to your future creative process but it will give you a reason to live your life.  Do you want an epic and extremely worth while scrapbook? Go somewhere epic and worth looking at and take pictures. LIVE LIFE.  Make things happen.  Document them.  Put them together in a way that tells a story and use the book to reflect.  Then do it again.  This is what storyboarding is; taking the pieces of the story, putting them in an order that makes sense and then using that as a guide for filming.  So, why not start your storyboarding now? *I challenge you to NOT use technology to make your scrapbook: try the old fashion scissors and paper and glue–get dirty.

For a really really great example of storyboarding and digitally scrapbooking and  visiting foreign communities and picking up a camera and working together with your creative friends watch this:

Casey Neistat “Make it Count” Nike AD

If you are stuck in the mud and tired and feel like your soul has been ripped of all passion–try 1 or all 5 of these things and jump start the creative process. The beauty of being artists and believing in something bigger is that we are artists and we believe in something bigger.  So grab your keys-rev your engine-drive that truck right out of the ditch and as Casey says: Make it Count.

Why They Say This Business is About Being Lucky

And why they really mean it’s about not being stupid.

(Check out the 5 toxic Beliefs that Ruin Careers Article: Pay attention to #3)

I am not referring to your IQ or your ability to add numbers..  I am referring to being prepared when opportunity knocks, being the first one to return the phone call when the producer or the designer or the coordinator calls. I’m saying pay attention, show up and stop setting yourself up for failure.

I recently tuned in for a series called “The LA Complex” on the CW.  I try to watch as much television as possible (and while my mother is rolling over in her grave right now in disgust) I refer to it as research, which is actually what it really is. What is out there? What is working? What do I like? Why do I like it? Why is it at the top of the ratings week after week?

Step Fourteen:  Absorb the Content

I’m not saying to do nothing but watch television and film (okay maybe I am saying that a little bit).  What I am certainly saying is to know what is out there.  Read Variety and The Hollywood Reporter  know who the big names are (and I don’t just mean A list actors).  Know who Studio Heads, Producers, Cinematographers, Network Executives and Writers are.  What are they saying in interviews about the shows you are watching?  What is up in the ratings?   Why do people want more of Jersey Shore and of the Housewives of Beverly Hills?  You don’t have to watch full seasons of those shows, I know it’s not necessarily my cup of tea either, but know what it is and why it works.

I will never forget the first time I went to pitch meetings out in LA with my first boss.  First of all, he should have packed for me because I was so incredibly unprepared in the wardrobe area that it was far from comical.  I wore flats in the town of platform heels, I wore my hair in waves in a culture that gets blowouts every morning before they head to the office and I knew nothing about the executives we were meeting with and the content they were producing.  I was busy. I worked 18 hour days on development and payroll and personal assistant tasks.  I never thought that reading articles and watching television was party of my JOB.    I had barely made it on this trip to LA and it wasn’t until I begged and pleaded and convinced my boss that I was a necessity that I was green lit.  I magically went from personal assistant to colleague on the 5 hour flight from NYC to LA and I had accidentally left my ruby slippers in New York.

Be careful what you wish for because if you tell your boss you are a necessity you better be able to prove that you are.

So there I am in my magenta flats (yep I sure did) and my terrible blouse and my curly hair sitting outside the offices of Style and E! waiting to go check in for our meeting.  My boss turns to me and says “So what’s on their network?”. What? What do you mean what’s on their network?  The Kardashians? E! News? “What are their top rated shows?” Top Rated?  The Kardashians? E! News? “Where was this executive before they come to Style?” What? They had a job before this? What do you mean?  “Aren’t you prepared for this meeting? You mean to tell me you know nothing about this network and you are about to go in there and pitch them a show?”

And it was then that I realized I was 5 inches short of prepared for this meeting and it had nothing to do with the height of my high heels. My magenta flats were the least of my worries.

Luckily we live in the age of the I-Phone and 4G.  Within minutes I had enough information on the networks and the executives to avoid looking like a fool in the room.

You better believe the next time we were gearing up for a trip to LA I had a one sheet on every executive we would be meeting with and I had seen at least 3 of their top rated shows. (we wont count the time my boss and I sat up watching the Bachelor the night before meeting with NBC, but I digress)

Back to “The LA Complex”.  I sat one evening watching this show trying to get into it.  I really did.  I was hoping that it was going to inspire me in some way or give me hope for young aspiring creatives in Los Angeles.  WRONG.

I’m not going to comment on the entertainment value because I really do believe this show has an audience. I just couldn’t believe how self-destructive and  unaware these characters are. I’m not perfect, believe me when I say that.  I know that there are probably flaws that I have that I am not even aware of! BUT I can tell you that the night before a dance audition for a WIll-i-am Video I would not be getting so drunk that I sleep through my alarm the next morning.  I also wouldn’t be posing as an alcoholic and attending AA meetings just to try to fund my next independent project.  Yes, I get that this is television and its an extreme exaggeration of the truth but I just have to say:

Step Fifteen: Avoid getting in your own way, there are already enough obstacles in your way to begin with

What I mean is, don’t get drunk the night before a dance audition.  Don’t sleep with your boss.  Don’t start doing cocaine because every one else is.  Don’t forget to bring your resume to an interview.  Don’t fail to research network executives before you try to pitch them a tv show.  Don’t show up to a meeting, job interview, coffee date or cocktail hour without knowing 5 things about the person you are there to meet with.  This doesn’t mean don’t ever have fun or drink beer or let loose it just means choose those times wisely. Be SMART.

It may sound simple.  It may sound like these things are common sense but the honest to God truth is…if you don’t think about it, if you don’t remind yourself to take it seriously you will slip and it will be your unlucky day.  You’ll find yourself in the Land of Oz without your Ruby Slippers and it will be terrible; you will feel it in your entire body that you missed out on an opportunity because you were acting stupid.

The same boss that called me out for my lack of research (also made me pitch him television shows while running on the treadmill) sent me a link to this great podcast with Producer Gale Anne Hurd.  It’s good. It’s worth listening to.  Maybe it will be the first smart thing you do on your journey to being lucky.

Podcast with Gale Anne Hurt, #6 on the list. 

*If you listen to the podcast Gale Anne Hurt mentions useful websites.  Below are links to a couple of them:

Tracking Board

Mandy