On Negotiations (So They Offered You the Job)

I was asked to write this post by one of my clients because we have been working on finding her a new job and she thought my advice on negotiations was crucial to her process. (she has 2 offers!)

The following applies to the TV & Film industry but can be used for every other field in the Universe. 

Let me start by saying, you are worth a certain amount of money. You need to define what that amount is now, right now. You must communicate your value.  You must choose to stand by that value.

Amy Pascal said it best in her speech at the Women in the World Conference (click to watch) this past February,

“The truth is what women have to do is not work for less money. They have to walk away. People shouldn’t be so grateful for jobs.  People should know what they’re worth and say no. .”

With that said, you also need to be realistic about the market and your own financial situation.  If the national average pay for a job is $72,000 and you are asking for $150,000 well..you can ask…but just be prepared for that to be a pretty big gap for your hiring manager to bridge.  If you have been unemployed for 8 months and you finally get an offer and you just need to make some money, then make that money and keep searching for your dream job (click here for more on how to land your dream job) 

Also, you know those terrible negative thoughts that tell you that maybe you are only worth what they are offering and you are lucky they like you? They are lies. Because the truth is, if this isn’t your first or second job and you’ve worked for a certain rate in the past and performed, you are worth that money. (click here for more on fighting negative thoughts).

And, any job that pays you significantly less than your set value is probably not going to satisfy you because less pay=less responsibility and you will be bored. (take it from someone who knows).

Now that we have that out of the way, lets get to the negotiation conversation:

For the purpose of this example you have set your high value at $1200 a week (aprox $62K a yr) and your low value at $1000 a week (this is the lowest amount you will allow yourself to be paid) 

STEP ONE: They offered you the job.  That email comes through your email box and the first line is “Congratulations! We are excited to offer you the role of (insert job title here) the weekly*** rate is $800.”

***Most TV and Film freelance jobs are billed at a daily or weekly rate, in this particular business you are most likely not negotiating a yearly salary. This is based on a project’s budget and your role as a line item (if this is confusing to you- email me, I will walk you through budgeting from a producer’s POV)

Good news, they are offering you the job. Bad news, that is $400 less a week than your set value.

Your first thoughts are:

“This company is so great, they put out the greatest TV show last year and they won an Emmy and this Producer is so well known and…blah blah blah blah blah. “

And the worst thought you have is….“I don’t want to seem greedy”.

SHUT IT DOWN.  This is not real.  This is another lie that your brain is telling you.  You need a certain amount to live.  You did your homework and decided a long time ago (like before your last gig and the gig before that) that you can live on $1000 a week but you are worth $1200.  So no you are not greedy, you are practical and you know that you put out a certain amount of work at a certain quality that equals $1000-$1200 a week.

STEP TWO: The response.  I know it sounds scary but you are not just going to accept this offer.  You have to ask.  You have to see if they have room in that budget to meet you at your value.  You have to stand up for your value.  You also need to ask for your high value so at the least they meet you at your low value.

So you say this:

Person,

Thank you for your email.  My usual freelance rate is $1200 a week.  Is there room in the budget for a discussion on the rate? Do you have plans for this position to grow into something else? I would love to hear how you see the role evolving and possibly discuss compensation.

Thank you,

Self

Alternate for salaried positions where you have had a more formal interview process: 

Person,

Thank you for your email and for the offer for the position of (insert position here).  I have really enjoyed the interview process and meeting with your team.  Insert a sentence here that is personal and pertains to an experience you had during interviews, such as: I had a wonderful time at the tech event on Monday, it really shows your company’s commitment to cultivating a great culture.

My previous compensation was $62,000.  I understand you are working within a certain budget, but is there any room for discussion? I am really interested in this position and hopeful we can land on a number that satisfies both parties.

Please let me know if you have any questions or need any additional information for next steps.

Thank you,

Self

STEP THREE: Wait for their response.  A few things happen during this stage.  You may start to talk yourself out of your confidence. “Oh shit, why did I do that? They’re going to think I am presumptuous or greedy or whatever..”

No. You know your value. Also, if by asking for what you are worth the person on the other end thinks you are greedy or annoying or whatever…then you don’t want to work for them.

STEP FOUR: Receive the response. 

“Hi Person,

Unfortunately the rate is locked at $800 a week.  This gig is for 10 weeks with potential to re-up based on the need.”

STEP FIVE: Decide.

Yikes. This doesn’t meet your lowest defined value.  Is this a deal breaker? Well that is up to YOU to decide.

If we are Amy Pascal, it is a deal breaker.  If we are trusting our instincts it is a deal breaker.

Some Food for Thought:

1. If for some reason, you truly believe that you want to work for lower than your value for just 10 weeks to make a connection, learn a new skill, have this company on your resume etc. then you should be sure that the “non monetary” value you are gaining adds up to the money you are losing out on.
2. Once you accept that pay rate, it will take you longer to get back up to your desired pay within that company.
3. If you don’t need money immediately and you have some time you should probably say no.  I promise you, the right thing will come along if you stick to your values.

Now it is time to take a walk. It is time to get a coffee, meet a friend for dinner, call your family, sing karaoke. Clear your head and let this lower pay and potential opportunity sit in your gut for a bit.

Do not write this person back right away. Do not feel grateful for the job.

Make sure the job is right for you. 

And if you are anything like my client, before you even write this person back with your answer, another opportunity will come knocking on your door.

Need more help negotiating your salary? Email me!

Authenticity

Those of you that are regular visitors to my blog know that I have been focusing on connecting with my true self.  You also know I am sharing my experiences hoping that my stories somehow help you with your own journey.  In January I wrote about tuning out society and trusting your instincts.  This journey is tough and takes a lot of work but you can start small like painting a wall in your home and build to tackling the tougher work (for me that was getting up early enough to enjoy a cup of coffee before work, I finally did that today)

In April I wrote about the art of getting what you want and listed tips on how to voice your needs and speak up for yourself.  Kicking fear in the face can be really hard, but when you do it, it feels so so good.

For instance, the friend and client that I wrote about in my April post took my advice and listened to her inner truth. It took a few months for us to get there but I am happy to report that yesterday she asked for what she wanted at work and not only got full health insurance coverage but a $5000 a year raise! Can you believe it? I can. That’s what happens when we put fear aside and we show up for ourselves. I am so unbelievably proud of her because after all, it was really her that did all of the work, I just showed up to cheer her on.

So how does that bring us back to authenticity?  Well what other than being our true selves would cause all of these wonderful things to happen? I know what you are thinking, “It is not that easy.”

And it’s not.  I’ve been working on this since January of 2014. In reality, I have been working on it my whole adult life.  But here is a little trick that I learned just recently.

When you put your truth out into the world, the right things come back to you.

I am obsessed with helping women.  I want women to get paid the same as men, I want women to feel safe in their neighborhoods, in the workplace and on a global scale I want them to feel safe in their own countries. I want them to have enough paid maternity leave and be respected when they leave work early for their kid’s soccer game.  I want to end rape and abuse and the sexual harassment of women.  For a long time I kept telling the Universe that I wanted to run a movie studio and produce big, well performing films and television shows. And its not that I don’t want to do those things, because I do. It’s just not authentic to my inner core.  It is not what gets me out of bed in the morning.

What gets me out of bed in the morning is my friend and client getting her $5000 raise. What gets me out of bed in the morning is reading about President Obama naming, Julia Pierson as the first Woman to lead the Secret Service. What gets me out of bed in the morning is Emma Watson speaking on behalf of HerforShe.  What gets me out of bed in the morning is Jill Soloway telling women to ‘storm the gates.’ 

So I have been telling everyone.  I’ve been talking about it in job interviews. I’ve been telling women I barely know and asking them if they need my help.  I’ve been reaching out to graphic artists to start the creation of my first company logo. I’ve been sending emails to blind info boxes of women I hear are doing wonderful things and they have been writing me back.

It’s not that easy. But it is that easy.

I’m just getting started.

What is your truth? Start by telling me in the comments section or sending me an email and maybe the world will start opening up to you too.

Womanly Instincts: Your Truth is All You Really Need

Have you ever woken up, looked around you and suddenly felt a terribly tight heart wrenching feeling in the pit of your stomach?  That feeling that tells you, “Something just isn’t right.”?

If you’re a woman, I know that you have.  And that’s not to say that men don’t get it too but there is something about that womanly instinct, that deep and unexplainable feeling we get that tells us our truth or tells us to leave the house because it’s on fire or quit our job because we are doing the complete wrong thing or tells us that our kid is in danger.

Have you ever spent more than a couple of days completely ignoring that feeling? If you have then you know this:  When you choose to ignore that instinct, that feeling deep in your stomach, that truth that beams from inside of you, it begins to follow you around like a thick fog and eventually you begin to lose your breath and then your strength and then suddenly you can no longer see anything.  Just like fog, your ignored truth will eventually just completely surround you.

I’ve been spending a lot of time reading other women’s writings.  I started with blogs and opinion pieces and then autobiographies and mainstream press.  I’ve been looking for some common theme and one thing has really stuck out to me.

I was reminded of societies unforgiving judgement of women.  I read an incredible Thought Catalogue blog by Jamie Varon that you can find here: You Will Always Be The Wrong Kind of Woman and this slate article: Russell Crowe Says Older Women Don’t Get Movie Roles Because They Refuse to Act Their Age where Russell Crowe so gracefully claims to know why there aren’t more female roles in film:

“To be honest, I think you’ll find that the woman who is saying that (the roles have dried up) is the woman who at 40, 45, 48, still wants to play the ingénue, and can’t understand why she’s not being cast as the 21 year old.”

That’s lovely Russell.  Thanks for speaking for all women age 40+ I am sure they are relieved you finally understood them.

But more importantly, thank you for telling us our truth.  Thank you for telling us that the FACTS clearly displayed and backed up by data and analysis aren’t actually REAL they are just something we made up in our heads because we don’t really want to admit that we are aging.  We must just be crazy.

I have had moments as a woman where I have wanted to escape to some private island where there aren’t cell phones or instagram or Vogue or even the internet.  Where there aren’t so many outlets screaming at me to be something other than I am. Skinner, quieter, louder, edgier, sexier, more independent, more shameful, more shameless, a better lover, a caretaker, a cook, a better housekeeper, bigger chested, more relaxed, less inquisitive, less opinionated and last but not least, screaming

“DO NOT  TRUST YOURSELF”

I hear a lot that “its all in your head”, just take a deep breath, fight the thoughts, carry on, don’t be so hard on yourself.  If ONLY it were that easy.  If only I could just stare in the mirror day after day and day after day and remind myself to ignore the scrutiny, to ignore the movies where good looking 50 year old men (men that could be my father) cheat on their wives with 20 year olds or just blatantly use young, beautiful, “perfect” women as trophies or props to tell their story.  Where film and television and advertisements and magazines tell me that I am not enough, that what I KNOW deep in my soul to be true actually isn’t valid or honest or truth at all.

And then…only THEN when I can fight these thoughts, when I can fight the bullshit spewing at me in every direction am I a WORTHY woman.  Only when I am stronger than the “you are not worthy” loop that plays throughout our society am I allowed to be whole only then am I allowed to trust that gut wrenching feeling that is telling me something is wrong.

But here is the actual truth.  Here is the thing they don’t tell you in Vogue, or on E! or in stupid movies.  YOU DO KNOW BEST.  You know what is truth, you know when something is wrong and when something is right. You know that you are beautiful and that you are strong and that you are smart and that you are worthy and capable and that you and your instincts matter.

But here we are, accommodators, listeners, empathizers trying to force something other than the truth.  We believe what others say, we follow their lead, we ignore our gut and we go in the other direction and we push and we pull and we try to make it work but it ALWAYS breaks.  It always fails.  Eventually the truth catches up to you and your instincts win and the fog surrounds you and your truth pushes you to the ground and it says to you,

“Cut the shit, you will listen to me or you will continue to suffer, for I am the only truth that really matters”.

“There is No Such Thing As Failure” – Oprah

This time last year I was on a train bound for Berlin Germany.  I didn’t know anyone, I was in an interesting state of mind and I thought I wanted an adventure.  I had never traveled Europe alone (or at all) and as I looked at the New Year blazing toward me I wanted to run really fast in the other direction.

I had just lived one of the best years of my life (as far as I knew).  If you would have asked me in the middle of the year if it was the best year of my life I am not sure I would have said yes (isn’t that always the case? Hindsight is 20/20 my father says).  By the time 2013 came to an end I realized I had accomplished a lot of things on my “career check list”. I was proud of my work, my newly acquired knowledge and I was inspired by the people I was blessed to collaborate with.

There is something about the arts that gets into our veins like a drug.  Any theatre actor or director will tell you that when a play’s run comes to an end it can sometimes feel like you are mourning a death.  The film industry, for some of us, isn’t any different.  The trouble with me is I love the art, I love the business and I am as sensitive as they come.

In 2012 I fulfilled a life long dream, I moved to LA to start out on what I thought was a forever journey as a California girl destined for Hollywood greatness.  I don’t mean fame and fortune I mean greatness in movie making, I mean sitting around with the best minds in the business and creating epic entertainment.  At the end of 2012 I landed a job at a really great company and was learning everything you could know about distributing a film.  By 2013 I was in a groove.  I was attending networking events, helping my friend get started producing his first (and very good) short film, I was spending Saturday’s playing beach volleyball and I was making new friends by the minute.  I was home.  I had arrived.

Then I got a call to come back to Chicago for Transformers 4 (see my post, Taking the Plunge for more on that journey) and I couldn’t say no.  The money was better, the possible opportunity was endless and I wanted to know what it took to pull off a major Hollywood action film.  So I packed up my Brentwood apartment, tossed that stuff into storage and with big tears billowing from my eyes I got on a plane at LAX and headed for my next adventure.  I knew I was leaving my home but I swore I would be back.

The summer of 2013 was really incredible.  Be it the most stressful it was also a learning and growing opportunity.  We pulled off some crazy stuff, I learned more about contract negotiations than I ever imagined and I barely slept. Chicago in the summertime is pretty damn amazing, I was closer to family, I was working nonstop on what I LOVED and I was meeting new talented people in the industry.

When T4 ended my next gig took me to New York where I also have incredible “family” and got to work with a really great team of people on some television development projects.  But remember earlier when I said sometimes for artists when a play’s run comes to an end it can feel like you are mourning a death?  Well I was.  I didn’t know which way was up.  My gumption was covered in mud and I couldn’t find it anywhere.  I was fumbling the ball (as they say) and when I sat down to try to figure out what to do next, where to go next, I couldn’t see a damn thing.

So there I am, on a train bound for Germany and hopeful that my gumption or my clarity or my compass was hiding somewhere near the Berlin Wall.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

Let me tell you something about your gumption.  You’ll never find it hiding near the Berlin Wall, or in the next job or in the hands of a lover. Your gumption comes from within, your gumption is in your gut, your heart, your soul.  And if you search and search and search for your gumption in other things, you will only find yourself further and further from finding it.

To re-locate your gumption you have to do the work. You have to grieve the loss, face the music, focus inward and really listen.  Sometimes it can take months, sometimes you find yourself begging the Universe, your mother floating up above you or even a beautiful full moon to just give you a break, just for five minutes can I have my gumption back? I promise I will use it wisely.

In my particular instance it took all of 2014 for me to get my gumption back, and I have to be honest, I am still kind of digging it out of the dark corners of my soul.  I’ve punished myself for months as I reflect on the past year.  I look back on all the decisions that I made and they feel so far from who I really am. I took jobs not aligned with my inner truth, I moved to towns I never desired to live in, I made interesting financial decisions and I probably burned some bridges that I really wish were still in tact.

So here I am, letting that inner voice win. ( more on that in my post, The Lies Men Tell)   It’s telling me I am lost, it’s telling me I made all of these mistakes and it’s telling me to run. Run run run run run, leave it all behind, all of the mistakes, all of the challenges, all of the burned bridges.  My mean little voice wants me to abandon myself and stop digging for my gumption.  She’s tired, and honestly so am I.  But this is when it really counts. This is when Rocky Balboa finally makes it to the top of those stairs, this is when in the third act Matt Damon’s character Will Hunting realizes he’s got to go see about a girl.  This is when it matters, when it gets so tough that your little inner voice is telling you to abandon the challenge.  This is when you really have to show up for your life.

I stumbled upon this video the other day and I can’t tell you why, but it has changed me.  I’ve listened to it each morning ever since.  It’s Oprah Winfrey at a student led interview at Stanford Graduate School of Business.  She say’s a lot of really valuable things and while I am not an Oprah Winfrey obsessed fan I can’t help but acknowledge that her words hit me in my gut.  The biggest takeaway from her talk is this:

“There’s a supreme moment of destiny calling on your life. Your job is to feel that, to hear that, to know that. And sometimes, when you’re not listening, you get taken off track.  You get in the wrong marriage, the wrong relationship, you take the wrong job.  But it’s all leading to the same path.  There are no wrong paths, there are none. There’s no such thing as failure really, because failure is just that “thing” trying to move you in another direction. So you get as much from your losses as you do from your victories.  Because the losses are there to wake you up.

I can see my gumption in the distance.  Sometimes the inner voice is so loud that it causes me to pause for a moment and think about giving up, but we have to keep moving forward, we have to keep digging.

Here’s to trains bound for Germany, the wrong path taken and to waking up in 2015.

What will you do with your supreme moment of destiny?

Meet Development, Production’s Evil Step Sister

I can proudly now say that if you asked me to find a way to blow up a double-decker bus while flying a two camera rig across 3 blocks and flipping two cars in the busiest streets of downtown Chicago, I could make it happen. (well with the help of an amazing team anyway)

So for the sake of stating facts, I can say without a doubt that I am a logistically sound person.  I actually love logistics and check lists and putting together the pieces of a very complicated puzzle. Production is where I thrive, production is where my heart beats faster and quite frankly if production were a handsome young man we would be married, that’s how much I love it.

The part that is really frustrating me as I get older is development.  Heres the thing about development; if I had all the money in the world and I wanted to make a movie I would have no problem picking a script, casting the project and going out into the world and making my perfect little movie with my perfect little cash flow and my ideal P&A budget and selling the shit out of it to every market in the Universe. But the truth is I don’t have all the money in the world and picking a project to pour my heart and soul into is actually quite terrifying because well, I like my heart and soul and I don’t want to lose it to some poorly written, poorly executed, poorly directed movie that makes no sense to anyone but the crazy people who made it.

See I spent some time in distribution and acquisitions and I have to say I saw more crap in a short amount of time than I ever could have imagined.  From scripts to concept reels to full blown out movies, people just curate crap and I can’t figure out why.  And here is the thing, among the loads of crap people are making are these gems, these beautiful scripts that roam the halls of the agencies and the studios screaming “make me, make me” but no one can hear them because the crap screams louder and more often.  To top off the development frustrations is the fact that there is no rhyme or reason as to why something gets made, gets traction, picks up more speed, leads the box office and then ya know makes millions of dollars and wins an Oscar.  NO rhyme or reason! And you can tell me that you have a finance team that crunches the numbers and understands the territories and can tell you what an actor is worth at the box office but then to you I say The Counselor…and I digress.

So here I am reading scripts on my own between jobs and meetings and travel.  I read one after another and I stumble upon one I like, like that I actually find myself telling someone else about.  And I ponder, is this the one? Is this the thing that I bring to those people that said they want to make movies? And then I ponder some more and I get nervous and I get judgy and I become afraid.  Why am I picking this script? What is behind the reasoning? Do I want to put my name on this no matter what the re-writes bring or the studio brings or the distributor brings? Am I sure that no matter what my investors did with this or what the director did with this that I would be proud and satisfied and not broke and alone and jobless? And then I am tired and I long for the 20 hour days working on a Michael Bay film forgetting to eat and sleep so we can blow up cars.

And then I ask “What’s with all the internal chatter?”.  When did my further knowledge of the business get in my way of creativity and passion?  It’s like when you’re young and every year you look forward to Christmas and Santa Claus and then one day your older sister makes your mom tell her whether Santa is real or not when you’re standing right there and BOOM all of your dreams are crushed in an instant.

And then you realize why they say this business is hard.  You look around and people are tired and overworked and underpaid and the industry is unsure of what it is doing today.  The industry is unsure what a blockbuster is anymore and Netflix is stealing their thunder and cable is killing the networks and wait….that show on HBO is damn good.  And you look a little closer and you see The Newsroom and Veep and Amanda Peet writing plays and you think to yourself, okay House of Cards I am going to tune in and binge watch you, and okay Mark Wahlberg and Lone Survivor you f*ing rock. And you put down your glass of red wine and you pick up the next script from the pile and you say “Dear Development, you ain’t got nothin’ on Cinderella”.

The time I realized my need for male approval and attention was ruining my life

It all started  one random cool summer night over a delicious Italian meal with two of my closest friends.  While the deep red wine poured into our glasses and the warm appetizers arrived at our table we talked and talked about what had happened since we last met.  The topics were typical: work, travel, more work, people we know making terrible choices and our love for exercises in honest self reflection.  Oh and something about the 100 day squat challenge? I apparently stopped listening after the word “squat”.

I had recently gotten myself into one of those really awkward dating experiences where basically blind folded you enter into a relationship with a person who may or may not be right for you and you dive in head first hoping to the dating gods that he is “the one”.   Naturally, because you are blind folded, you miss (ahem, ignore) all of the signs along the way that he is in fact, not the one, and that he may be….well lets just say politely, a little bit “off”.

So on the topic of honest self reflection I was sharing with my friends how I was feeling about my most recent dating disaster and how I just wish he (the datee) could understand where I was coming from and really see that I never meant to hurt him or anyone or really had no ill intentions whatsoever.  I went on to say that something must be “seriously wrong with me” because I can’t seem to make these relationships (with terrible men) work.  After a few more sips of my glass of wine I added, “I just feel like I am running around taking job after job building this career and that I am going to end up alone.  I feel incomplete”.

And that’s when it happened.  Aside from me being very sick of thinking about this dating situation gone nuclear my friends were more than sick of hearing about it.  This wasn’t the first time this had happened.  I was a series of nuclear explosions after nuclear explosions, all with men who showed me little respect. So finally and rather kindly they said to me, “You don’t need a mans approval to feel good about yourself. I wish you could see you the way I see you.”

The truth is, my friends have said this to me a few times over the past month.  Not only have I heard it from them but I have also heard it from the little voice inside my head and possibly ten other friends that I chose not to listen to.  Here I was, working on a major motion picture (a goal I set only 5 years ago and had now achieved), sitting with two of my closets friends having a fabulous dinner, gearing up to launch my first business and all I could think about was how this “thing “didn’t work out with this guy.  I was completely embarrassed, but more importantly I was finally ready to exercise some serious self reflection.

I can’t tell you where my need for love and approval from men stems from.  I could blame it on society and Hollywood and all the Disney movies I watched growing up (thanks Ariel, look at this stuff isn’t it neat wouldn’t you say my collections complete, wouldn’t you say I’m the girl, girl who has everything? Dammit, yes I would!). I know I can’t blame it on my father because he has been nothing short of supportive, loving, caring and attentive.  So where did this gross and embarrassing need come from?  What in the hell was I doing wasting valuable time and energy on such a silly endeavor?

When I finally stopped trying to figure out where it came from I was able to focus on the real issue, figuring out how to change.  What had I missed out on because I was so busy worrying about men thinking I was pretty or smart or funny or just plain WORTHY?  How many times had I not spoken up in meetings or not given my opinion on an idea because I was so focused on being liked or worse, being attractive?  And finally, what opportunities had I missed out on because I didn’t think I was good enough based on outside opinions that have NOTHING to do with my actual value? These discoveries were becoming frightening.

I started to recall countless nights of pretending to be a certain kind of girl just so a guy would want to call me again only to have to go on another boring date that I really preferred not to be on.  Suddenly I realized that the need for him to like me was more important than the need for me to enjoy myself.  I started to recall countless meetings I had sat in where men made snide comments such as my ability to “operate a makeup brush” being my greatest asset. (No, I am not kidding, it’s a true story).

So after this serious self reflection I decided that I was no longer going to allow this disgusting need for mens approval to control my life.  In fact, I was more likely to find a great partner if I was just myself.  I was also more likely to have success in my career, to achieve my goals and to live a fulfilling life if I was just myself.

I share this with you because as a woman in the entertainment business (or any business rather) we need to take the time to recognize our patterns.  How can we stand up and ask for equality and respect if we don’t demand it from ourselves?  If we are still looking to the men in our lives to define our worth we are essentially giving them all of the power.  Personally, I like power and I’d rather not hand it out to strangers like Halloween candy.

It is time for you to understand your own worth.  Your waist size, your cup size, your ability to laugh at jokes at the appropriate time or be accommodating are not what give you value. Your ability to look like Cameron Diaz or my most recent jealousy crush,  Kate Upton,  are not what define you.  Your thoughts, your personality, your values, your desires, your goals, your wants, your needs, your opinion, your strength, your actions, your character, those are the things that give you value.  Stop going on dates with men that don’t see you, stop sitting in the board room and taking notes instead of speaking up and quit allowing other people’s (men or women) opinions control your feeling of self worth.

Take control of your life.  I’m starting right now and I guarantee you it’s the best career decision I’ll ever make.

 

 

 

Filth vs Entertainment

I went to a Hollywood mixer last night.  Okay really it was on the west side (thank the lord) and I really didn’t mix so much as meet like three people and then talk to my friend the whole night.  I mean come on…meeting new people is really intimidating and my friend is incredible company so what’s a girl to do?  But the etiquette of mixers is a topic for another day.

So of the three new people I met there was this one in particular whom I think at one point had intentions of being a writer or still has  intentions of doing so…but maybe…is going about it the wrong way? I’m not sure because this business is constantly surprising me and the weirdest content creates followings and then makes millions of dollars…so you can never be quite certain about anything.

However, naked “Asian cougars” as he called them, running around a prison posing as vampires and biting each other…to me…seems…like a stretch. But there I was listening to this guy talk about this move that he is trying to sell to get an associate producer credit and I wasn’t sure what to say. He had the elevator pitch down: “I mean it’s terrible…the production value is crap the acting is really crap, I mean it’s horrible acting, but I love it, I just think it’s great I mean naked cougars in a prison, hot naked cougars”

I think that if I was in the business of porn we would have walked over to the bar, taken shots of tequila and shook hands on a deal. Luckily I am not in the business of porn so we skipped the shots of tequila and went straight to the part where he asks if he can send me this other script he has that is similar to “Asian Cougars”.  Like I said earlier, Hollywood is full of constant surprises so I told him that the least I would do is read the script but that candidly…there was probably no way this is in our wheelhouse.

Then I got to thinking, here is this guy that says he wants to make movies.  He is standing in front of me talking about all the projects he is juggling and how he just wants to get something off of the ground and I can’t help but think, why in the hell are you focusing on naked “Asian Cougars”?  Why don’t you research the market and see what people are buying?  AND if this isn’t about making movies “that people are buying”  but it’s about “having a passion for filmmaking” why can’t you at least focus on a genre/topic that is actually entertainment instead of just plain filth?

Are people really looking for the next best “Naked Asian Cougar Vampire Film”? Is it really necessary to make such films?  I am not saying there isn’t a market for that and I am not saying that people don’t like naked Asian cougars but if this guy really wants to make movies why doesn’t he focus on something a little more, commercial? Or better yet, a story a little more worthy of being told?

So of course I can’t help but open my big mouth and say “Well maybe if this guy wants to sell a movie he should make it about something else, why do people make these terrible movies?”

And Asian Cougar guy comes back at me with “Well I mean, at least he is doing something.  He is making a movie, that’s a lot better than talking about it.”

Touché my friend. So there you have it.  Filth gets made because it is better to have made something than to have not.  I guess my point is, if you are going to spend investors’ money and use up production crews time and resources, shouldn’t you really truly believe in what you are doing? What is the sense of making something just to say you’ve made something? Shouldn’t we have a little more invested in our work?

But maybe “naked Asian cougar” filmmaker guy really is invested in this work.  Maybe he really believes in this story and thinks people should see his films.  Best of luck to him, I prefer to steer clear of this genre and I will be sure to avoid running into him at the next mixer.

 

Exceptional Soderbergh

Exceptional Soderbergh

I know you’ve got 18 scripts on your desk and you’re tired of reading, but taking a break from scripts and reading something different is never a waste of time. So, start here with the above link to this Vulture interview with Steven Soderbergh. Excerpt Below. 

 “Because at a certain point, your ability to get a job could turn on the stories people tell about you. The reason [then–Universal Pictures chief] Casey Silver put me up for [1998’s] Out of Sight after I’d had five flops in a row was because he liked me personally. He also knew I was a responsible filmmaker, and if I got that job, the next time he’d see me was when we screened the movie. If I’m an asshole, then I don’t get that job. Character counts. That’s a long way of saying, “If you can be known as someone who can attract talent, that’s a big plus.”-Soderbergh

In the words of the Newsies “Open the gates and seize the day”

I cut my own bangs.  I want to start by saying…it was after a dear friend of mine innocently told me he “liked how my hair was like, kind of this 80’s style”.  I mean on your 27th birthday you’re already feeling REALLY insecure about your life (as mentioned here in last weeks post) and then someone tells you that your hair reminds them of this terribly awkward time in society where everyone looked f*cking crazy and now you find yourself wanting to pull a Britney and shave it all off to make some sort of bold statement.  However, I just decided to cut my bangs–a statement which I believe holds equal weight.

I have actually gotten a lot of compliments, mostly from acquaintances that noticed the change and have only known me with my  80’s style hair so you decide what that really means.  The truth is I have looked at pictures of women with straight bangs for a while.  Could I pull this dramatic hairstyle off?  I mean it’s better than my usual choice to dye my hair some random color or chop it off to see if anyone notices that I took 10 inches off of my hair.  But since I will have plenty of time to have a mom bob in my life I kept the 10 inches and went for the bangs.

But this isn’t a post about bangs.  This is a post about seizing the day.  See I will have these bangs for what, about a month before they start growing out and I am all angry every morning trying to figure out what to do with them but too bored to just keep cutting them the same way? So that means for a month out of my life I will have had straight bangs.  Now it’s hard to describe the feeling that came over me when I finished cutting my bangs and I started making faces in the mirror wondering if I felt like the same person.  Basically, I didn’t feel like the same person. For those fleeting ten minutes of newness  and excitement I imagined myself changing the world. I know you think I’m crazy but if you’re a woman who has ever gotten her hair done you understand what I am saying.  You start seeing everything differently and you feel like you are going to do crazy things that you could have never done pre straight bangs.

In the midst of the bang saga my friend and I were emailing about her decision to start her own business and how that has moved me to start really looking at my life and find ways to create more value.  This particular thing that she said inspired this post.

“Do you ever think that since you are smart and always evaluating that maybe you will always be looking for “the next thing”…”

I haven’t written her back because honestly the thing is, yes I think  about that all the time and it scares me half to death.  Will I always be unsatisfied? Will I always be essentially cutting straight bangs in the bathroom mirror trying to capture that feeling of excitement and newness?

But then I got to thinking, in an industry where scripts get optioned and never made, actors get attached to projects and then bail due to negotiations or prior commitments and executives get shuffled from studio to studio how can you ever really be satisfied?

You can’t.  That’s why you must have your hand in ten projects, constantly be reading scripts and talking to writers, watching shorts and sometimes terrible movies, taking lunch meetings and reading books.  Hollywood makes money based on knowing how to tap into those feelings of excitement and newness.  What do you like? Who are you talking about?  Yesterday it was Manti-Teo, today who knows?  Maybe in 6 months they will release a film about catfishing and it will make millions of dollars.  The executives don’t know any more than we do they’ve just been doing this longer so they have seasoned instincts and can more quickly identify what will work.  They see something and they seize the day.  They also release things based on what else is being released, they fund projects based on who is attached and how much money they brought in on their last film and they are ALWAYS ALWAYS looking for the next best thing.  So in Hollywood when you find something you really believe in and that you truly think people will respond to, then go for it.  Just be willing to adjust your plan when the seasons change, because they will, they always do. Prime example, Kathryn Bigelow and the re-writes for “Zero Dark Thirty”.  Yeah that was supposed to be a movie about all the attempts to capture Osama Bin Laden…and then we captured him.  Talk about change of seasons.

How can you survive this roller coaster industry? Learn to relish the fleeting moments, recognize them for what they are (fleeting) and work toward the next time you can have the feeling again. Seize the day, cut your bangs.  Don’t become too attached to a project emotionally that it will wreck you when it doesn’t happen-but make sure you are putting 110% into the projects that you really believe in. Notice I said “projects” because again, the more things you have your hands in the more likely it is that something will break.

So I have these straight bangs.  I’m not completely attached to them and some days I wish I wouldn’t have reacted so quickly on my emotional response to the 80’s hair comment.  But I don’t regret the fleeting moment of excitement and newness that came with these bangs.  And in response to my friend’s email, I don’t plan on ever being satisfied. I think in this business, you can’t ever stop searching for the next thing. I plan on continuing to be smart and always evaluating and every once and awhile just cutting my own bangs.

 

 

“At first glance it may appear too hard. Look again. Always look again”

Above Quote by Mary Anne Radmacher

I was driving home from work tonight listening to the country station (big mistake) and contemplating my future.  Actually, I was contemplating my now.  I had one of those days at work that well…did not go…my way.  I did a lot of those “administrative tasks” that they tell you about in the job interview that you choose to ignore because you are hoping they are just kidding.  Well news flash, they aren’t kidding.

So there I am driving through Santa Monica (I know, I still don’t know why I think I have the right to complain about ANYTHING). But I am driving and Tim McGraw “Live Like You Were Dying”  is playing and I am exhausted.  I look over to my passenger seat and there is a bag packed with gym clothes ready to be used and all I can think about is getting home to my bed and drinking a bottle of red wine.  I turn left toward my apartment because it’s pretty obvious at this point that I am skipping the gym and I start to wonder, “Is this what I am meant to be doing with my life?”.  I  just spent the past 12 hours making reservations at restaurants, rolling calls, filing piles and piles of paperwork and talking to car dealerships about busted rims.  And NOW I am skipping the gym to go home and drink wine in my BED.  I going to be an old obese diabetic that hates her life and can’t get anything accomplished because she stopped going to the gym at 27. I would like to add that there is nothing wrong with obese diabetics except that they probably don’t feel that well most of the time.

So I have this thought and my life starts flashing before my eyes.  Have I made a mistake? Did I move to Los Angeles as an idealistic naive moron and suddenly wake up at 27 and realize that everything that I ever believed was a huge lie?  Have I lost my ability to justify  mundane tasks as a means to an incredible end?  What will I do if I quit now? Where will I go? Back to Indiana? But who will marry me in Indiana? I hardly know anyone anymore and everyone I do know is already married.  What else is there to do?

Since I live five minutes from my office at this point I am sitting in my driveway.  I am staring at my gym bag that is covering a script that some poor soul spent hours and days and months and years writing with the slimmest chance of it being made into a movie and I am defeated.  I decide that I will go inside and start researching graduate programs that will lead me to a more stable and fulfilling life.

I get out of my car, leaving my gym bag behind just incase tomorrow I am not feeling as dramatic, and I walk to my front door. I turn the knob and open the door.  I walk over to the coffee table that is covered in crap because the boys threw an “impromptu” football watching party on Saturday and didn’t clean up and I see a box from amazon.  My birthday was last week and I assumed that I had received all of my gifts.  But there it was, this beautiful brown cardboard box with that ever so enticing Amazon label stamped down the center and right there in the top right corner was my name.

I freak out.  What could this be?  Did I order something and forget?  There is not enough information on the outside of the box for me to use deductive reasoning to find out who this is from.  I grab the box, run up the stairs and toss it on my bed (gently of course…I mean this is a gift you guys).  I realize I don’t have scissors and I have this moment where I feel like Brad Pitt in Seven and I just want to scream  “What’s in the box? Just tell me what’s in the BOX”! But my days slaving away as an assistant have taught me you don’t need scissors!!! All you need are strong fingernails and a lot of patience. So I peel the tape off of the center of the box and the box breaks open and I gasp (dramatically and loudly).

The Hollywood gods sent a sign to my doorstep disguised as an amazon package. 

Inside the box was “The New Biographical Dictionary of Film” by David Thomson.  One thousand and seventy-six pages of pure hollywood knowledge all packed into one beautifully bound book.

See my best friend in one of her many moments of genius had spent hours researching books to send me for my birthday and she discovered this dictionary of film and realized that I had to have the book.  In her busyness or maybe in her determination to make sure my gift was perfect she had ordered it too late to arrive on my actual birthday.  So today, of all days, when my heart was breaking and my will to survive was dwindling this amazing book arrived on my doorstep.

It really is beautiful.  It is one of those books that you have for a lifetime, carrying it with you from house to house it accompanying you on all of your adventures.

I decided to skip the wine and start reading the book.  I know it seems crazy, my ranting and raving about not knowing what to do with my life or if I am in the right place.  But if you spent 12 hours a day doing some of the stuff that I do you would have the same questions.

The thing to remember is that it wont be this way forever.  What good is it to be the showrunner on a major television series if you can’t sit around reminiscing about the days you worked as a PA in the writers room? How will you torture your staff if you have never been in their shoes? What kind of story is “My dad gave me two million dollars and so I bought a small company and then got bored and went sailing”? A pretty boring one.  Okay maybe not BORING but you see what I am saying.

I’ve got a dictionary sitting in front of me full of people with stories more like mine than like the guy with Daddy Warbucks in his corner.  I’m going to keep that in mind the next time I feel like abandoning my ideals.

Oh and if you’re an assistant like me and you ever need reassurance that you’re not alone, try going here: http://hollywoodassistants.tumblr.com/