This morning I received an email from a friend who needed to vent about her current conundrum. She has too much work on her plate, not enough time or resources and isn’t getting paid half as much as she is worth.
This isn’t the first time I have heard this story, as a matter of fact, I’ve lived this story quite a few times myself. As a woman, I find it really hard to admit that I need help or ask to get paid what I am worth. But why?
In 2010 I was drowning. I was assisting with running a small production company, handling the personal and professional details of my boss’ life, producing development projects for major networks and regularly traveling around the country. I was exhausted, overworked and at my wits end. But I didn’t ask for help. I didn’t want to seem incapable or lazy or like I didn’t appreciate my job. Did I stand up and say, “I would love to do this for you, but I am going to need this to get it done.”? No, I slaved and suffered and started dropping the ball. It took my boss coming to me to say “You need to hire an assistant, you need help” for me to get what I needed.
It’s this personal familiarity with my friends circumstance that makes me laugh but also allows me the opportunity to offer her advice so maybe she can get ahead of the curve. Since this is the third or fourth woman who has come to me seeking guidance on this subject I thought I would go ahead and share my thoughts broadly. Here is what you need to know:
1. Your worth is not tied to your job or your performance at the gym or the status of your relationship or your weight or beauty. There actually is not such thing as “worth”. You don’t need to measure, you don’t need to perform, you don’t need to convince. You just need to show up, be you, do things you are proud of and then go to sleep and start it all over again the next day. If someone doesn’t think you are doing enough they will tell you or they will fire you.
2. If you don’t like the work you are doing and it doesn’t make you feel good, you should find different work. I am not saying quit your job tomorrow but I am saying sit down, figure out what it is you like and make a plan to go do that. If you have no idea what you like and you sit down to write about it and can’t think of anything then write “I don’t know” and try again the next day. You don’t have to have all of the answers right now.
3. Sometimes the work we want to do requires us to do work we don’t want to do. As an artist I am fully aware that the artist life and career means little pay and a lot of sacrifice. There is a difference between a “means to an end” job and a “career”. Sometimes you have to work to pay the bills and it is not so easy to just say “I don’t like this, I quit”. Be kind to yourself during the “means to an end” job, it does not define you and it does not mean you aren’t working toward the greater goal. If struggling with this, see point #1: There is no such thing as “worth”.
4. If you don’t like your work because you feel overwhelmed it doesn’t necessarily mean you need a new job. If you are overworked you are absolutely entitled to look your boss in the eye and say “I need help”. Asking for help does not mean you are not capable, smart, hard working or a valuable employee. Asking for help means you are capable of identifying a problem and then solving that problem. Believe me, once you get the help or resources you need the possibilities are endless. If down the road the changes don’t make you feel good, then you can decide whether it is time to move on.
5. Your fears are not reality. A lot of the time what we fear in our minds is not what is actually going on in real life. The next time you are afraid to speak up I challenge you to take a minute to make two lists: the first list is a list of the things that are actually true and the second list is a list of the fears you have made up. Look them over, examine them and then take the list of fears and throw it away.
Asking for what you need does not make you greedy, needy or entitled. Asking for what you are worth is again, identifying a problem and solving it. If you are faced with the situation of having to ask for a raise or for help you might feel afraid and overwhelmed. Make the two lists of reality and fear. Throw the fear list away. Now, approach the situation like a science problem:
- What does the data say?
- What tangible things have you accomplished since your last review or your last raise?
- What are you contributing to the company as a whole?
- What would you do with more resources?
- What is the overall value of your contribution?
- How does it benefit the company to give you the help or the raise?
Now take your data and present it to your boss. Communicate what you are contributing and what you believe that is worth (more money, an assistant, more money and an assistant). The worst thing they can say is no.
This process doesn’t just apply to your career. You can use this for your personal goals and roadblocks. I actually recommend practicing these things regularly, it will only make you more prepared when it is time for those big conversations.
Your life is in your hands, the sooner you realize that the sooner you will get what you need.
For help with drafting emails to your boss or preparing for “that” conversation email me at tlsabatine@gmail.com. Sometimes all we need is a little external reinforcement.
Teresa Sabatine 