I am not the biggest fan of change. The deep rooted truth is, even within all of the moves, the various jobs, different apartments and the random adventures, change terrifies me.
Unfortunately, change is necessary to our process and our growth. Despite my fear, I have a respect for internal change, the subconscious and conscious progress we make in our hearts and minds. The work we can do on ourselves in a lifetime is similar to great works of art. The time and dedication, the practice and commitment it takes to get us to the “best version of ourselves”. There is something about reflecting on our past that enables us to see how much we have changed and allows us to be proud of our growth.
But, ironically, ask me if we should change where we have Christmas or how we celebrate Thanksgiving and I will leap at you with a ferocious force (just ask my boyfriend). Please don’t take away my traditions and the comfort I find in the way my mother used to play Bing Crosby and dance around in the kitchen. If you try to take that away, you will have to fight me to the death.
It’s funny, actually, because it’s been 6 years since my mother passed. That is six times we have celebrated Christmas without her making us sit down and read the story of Jesus and the Manger (really lady, again? We get it, Jesus was a miracle baby), six times that we have sat in someone else’s dining room to say out loud what we are thankful for without her delicate mother’s china perfectly placed around the table and her loud beautiful laughter filling the room. So why is it that every year around early November I get this deep, sick feeling in my stomach when someone tries to change my Holidays. I know we aren’t going back to my childhood home to listen to Bing Crosby, I know my mother isn’t going to show up swinging her wine glass to grab my hand and hold me tight and tell me that she is thankful I am her daughter. I know there has been a Paradigm Shift but I somehow refuse to acknowledge it. I fight the planning and I fight accepting that again, this year, Holidays are going to be different.
So I search for flights to new places and I contemplate not going “home” at all since these days I am not really sure where home is. I hesitate to book because the idea of not getting to enjoy my mother’s company is overwhelming but the alternative, sitting out the Holiday, is more overwhelming.
Can’t you just see it? Me and my TV dinner watching The West Wing for the 90th time on Netflix? Terrifying.
And I commend my sister for hosting Thanksgiving and trying, in her own way, to carry on my Mother’s tradition because she, maybe just a little or maybe a lot, also misses the china and the laughter. How brave of her to try to have my mother’s memory live on in this new profound way.
My father has been repeating a phrase to me for a few months now, “Be water”, he says. His philosophy stems from the American translation of Tao Te Ching, The Way:
Water
The best of man is like water,
Which benefits all things, and does not contend with them,
Which flows in places that others disdain,
Where it is in harmony with the Way.
He reminds me that change is inevitable and being able to flow with that change is the secret to acceptance and a balanced life. Oh how easy, I often think, I should just be more like water.
But it’s not that easy is it? A Paradigm Shift can be jolting, especially if you begin one without knowing and you suddenly wake up on the other side feeling and believing all new things. How do we flow with these sort of changes in our lives? How do we shed years of tradition and stability and just accept the change?
I listened to an incredible podcast by one of my favorite entertainment creators, Shannon Fitzgerald, this morning. You can find it here: Episode 11, Karen the Therapist
Her and Karen talk about Shannon’s growth over time. In the beginning of their relationship (3 years prior) Shannon was completely focused on this career, she referred to it saying “I feel like I’ve been white knuckling my life”. She was giving a lot of weight to this “career” and doing whatever it took to get to the next goal or mark, even if that meant working ridiculous hours and sacrificing a lot of her life. But through work and dedication and her therapy with Karen she has discovered a new perspective, she has had a Paradigm Shift. She now maybe doesn’t believe so much that her career and that next “goal” is going to satisfy her or lead to a happy balanced life.
But how scary, right? I’ve had a similar Paradigm Shift lately. I get calls about jobs and I no longer put myself on the next plane but instead think, is this what is going to have a positive impact on my life? Do I believe in the work? Will I be satisfied and proud? Or, ultimately, does the cost outweigh the benefit?
That’s my latest barometer in which I approach life. I suppose in my next great shift I may have new ways of measuring something’s importance, but for now I’ll just attempt my best impersonation of water and float on.
*Love to hear your thoughts on your own Paradigm Shift and how you cope with personal and professional change. Tweet me or leave a comment below!
Teresa Sabatine 